It can show up in a grocery store, on an ordinary drive, or in the middle of a conversation that had nothing to do with the person or thing you lost. You may have a week when you feel steady, followed by a day when the absence feels as close as it did at the beginning.
There is no universal timetable for grief. People respond differently to the death of someone they love, a relationship ending, a change in health, or another major loss. Feeling sad again does not automatically mean you are going backward. Grieving is a process for everyone.
Why grief can feel hard to explain
Other people may return to their routines before you feel ready. They may stop asking how you are doing, or assume you have “moved on.” You might find yourself keeping grief private so you do not make others uncomfortable. At the same time, daily life continues to ask things of you – work, meals, messages, decisions – while part of you is still adjusting.
Grief may include sadness, anger, relief, guilt, numbness, or moments of laughter. Those feelings can coexist. You do not need to have one correct response, and you do not need to compare your experience with someone else’s.
A gentle first step
If talking about the loss feels too big, you can begin with the part that is most present today: “The evenings are hard,” “I don’t know how to respond when people ask,” or “I thought I would feel different by now.” In therapy, you choose what to share and how quickly to share it.
When it might be time to get some help with the grieving process
Here are some things to be aware of that might indicate that you’re experiencing a complex or prolonged grieving process, and that you might benefit from therapy to address it:
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An intense, acute, daily experience of grief has persisted for more than one year.
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Experiencing ongoing intense emotional pain, for example, sadness, guilt, anger, denial and blame
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Difficulty accepting the death or the loss
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Feeling that one has lost a part of one’s self
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An inability to experience a positive mood
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Emotional numbness
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Difficulty engaging with social or other activities
If a few of these things ring a bell for you, you may benefit from coming to see me for therapy to address your unresolved grief. Give me a call for a free 15 minute consultation and lets see if we might be a good fit for working together.
